In late 2022, I received a message from my friend Nyrika. She and I met while we were exchange students in France. She didn't live in my district, but we met on a Rotary bus trip from Paris to Barcelona in January 2013. We became fast friends, and she was a huge reason of what made that trip so fun. Unfortunately, we were unable to meet up again after the trip ended, but we stayed in touch on social media. I was supposed to see her on my last trip to India after I graduated college, but life got in the way. So when she told me that she was getting married in early 2024 and wanted me to come to the wedding, I knew I had to go. Somewhat selfishly, I had also long dreamed of attending an Indian wedding; this was going to be the perfect opportunity to see my friend and experience the cultural phenomenon. The timing also worked out great because I would be in the Philippines and would fly from Manila, rather than from somewhere the United States. With this plan in mind, I went about my life and travels in 2023, making sure to save up enough money to make the trip to India.
I admit that I put too much on my plate for January 2024 and would have done a few things differently, but that is all water under the bridge at the time of this writing. I was pretty stressed leading up to the wedding because of our plans to spend a few days in Mumbai before the actual wedding, which was a four-hour train ride awa. Although I had already been to Mumbai, I stayed with a friend the last time and pretty much only went around with her. This time, James and I would be alone in an enormous, chaotic city, where none of us spoke the local language. I was also worried about being able to find clothes that fit me for the wedding–in retrospect, I should have given myself time to find clothes in the United States from more size inclusive brands and saved myself the stress of being in Mumbai for a few days. Nyrika shared her struggles with me as a fellow plus size girlie trying to get clothes in her size and needing them tailored, and I was worried I wouldn't find clothes that I could get altered in time for the wedding. However, thanks to help from my friend Aarohi, I was able to get this problem solved and get amazing outfits.
Aarohi, another exchange student friend, was the main reason arriving in India early ended up being worth it. Unlike Nyrika, Aarohi lived in my exchange student district, so we regularly saw each other throughout our year in France. She became one of my best friends from my year abroad, and it was difficult to say good-bye to her in 2013 not knowing when I would see her again. Because she later studied in Australia, she also was not in Mumbai during my last visit. Fortunately, there was one day on this trip where we would both be in Mumbai–my first full day in the city, and her last full day before leaving for a three-week trip to visit her sister in Australia. Our reunion was finally meant to be.
Aarohi met up with James and me at a modern Indian restaurant called The Bombay Canteen. Seeing her again was surreal. We reminisced about our exchange memories and caught up on our recent everyday lives. (There wasn't time to properly catch up on the last decade.) I found out that she was dating a guy who was Indian and Brazilian, whom she referred to as "the only diversity I could find in this city!" We talked about how a lot of people our age, in India and the Philippines, tend to seek better lives and opportunity abroad. Aarohi, though, planned on staying in Mumbai and probably starting a business. She acknowledged that she was lucky to have the necessary personal connections and family status that would make it easy to do so. It was nice for me, somebody who seems unable to stop moving, to hear that she planned on staying in the city where she had lived most her life.
After we ended our lunch, James and I went straight to Lokhandwala. He was able to find an outfit that fit him and that he liked pretty quickly. As I anticipated, my shopping journey was not as straightforward. I was in search of a lehenga and saree, and the specific shop Aarohi told us to go and where James got his kurta did not have any. We wandered down the street and I looked at shop displays, and I eventually found one that looked like it would have what I need. I told the shopkeepers I needed two outfits, and I left them to do the rest. They went through their inventory and pulled out outfits that could possibly fit me–or at the very least, came with extra cloth that they could use to expand the sizing for me. One of the ladies helped me put the clothes on in the fitting room. She didn't speak any English, so it was an amusing experience. While none of the clothes fit me right away, they found me a lehenga and saree that came with enough extra cloth to expand the clothes to my measurements. And they would be able to meet my two-day turnaround for the alterations.
While I stressed out those next two days that the clothes wouldn't get done in time or, worse, wouldn't fit me, those worries quickly melted away when I picked them up the afternoon before the wedding and tried them on. They fit me perfectly.
The next day, clothes in a giant bag in hand, James and I boarded the train to Bharuch at Mumbai Central. Bharuch is in the state of Gujarat, the neighboring state to Maharashtra, where Mumbai is. Nyrika had booked trains for all the guests who needed them as well as the hotel in Bharuch. I could finally take it easy and enjoy the wedding!
Well, after having less than twenty minutes to get ready for the first night of the celebrations. We got picked up at the train station at around 7 pm, dropped off at the hotel, and told that the cars would be leaving at 7:30 pm for the venue. James and I frantically got ready, and we got in a car. We ended up with a bunch of the groom Parvez's relatives, whom we would regularly see throughout the wedding. One of them, an uncle named Sheriyar, was especially kind and would look out for us during the event.
After getting dropped off at the venue in rural Ankleshwar, we got to mill around and admire the setup of the venue. I caught a glimpse of Nyrika getting pictures taken with Parvez and was able to finally reunite with her once she was done. Her mom also recognized me and greeted me while James and I were seated in front of the stage. That first night was an extended cocktail hour–there were big dance performances by the family and by the couple, random games in Gujarati that I did not understand but was nonetheless entertained by, and lots of pretty back drops to take pictures. At one point, I met Nyrika's host family from France–her host mom Hanifa and two host sisters Ibtissem and Anissa were there. I spoke to them in French and we pretty much spent most of the rest of the wedding with them, getting to experience our first Indian wedding all together. Once the dance floor opened, we all immediately went.
The next two days had a similar schedule–catered lunch around 1 pm and more events in the evening. The evening events required us to dress in traditional Indian celebration clothing. On day 2, we joined the Frenchies and Jonaki, one of Nyrika's friends from boarding school who now lives in Dublin, for a delicious vegetarian lunch. Throughout the event, Jonaki would share insights about Indian weddings with us, though this particular wedding was also new for her. This was because Nyrika is Parsi, a minority religion in India that has customs distinct from the Hindu majority. She told us that she also did not understand any of the Gujarati games the first night, which made us all laugh. Anissa, the elder French host sister, was the family ambassador since she spoke the best English; the year Nyrika and I were in France, she was actually in Pennsylvania as an exchange student and even spent four months living with an Amish host family. James and I loved getting to know Jonaki and the French-Algerian family and were glad to have people to take the cars and attend the functions with whom we previously did not know!
After lunch was over, we took a car back to the hotel and had the afternoon free. James and I roamed around with the Frenchies and then we all went back to the hotel to rest and get ready for the evening reception. I was not prepared for the magnificence.
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| The wedding hashtag was #ParNykiShehnai, for Parvez and Nyrika. Jonaki explained that "shehnai" is a traditional Indian wind instrument traditionally played at weddings. |
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| As much as I loved this lehenga, it made me reconsider wanting a big poofy wedding dress one day! |
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| Dinner with the Frenchies |
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| Our haul from the buffet |
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| People stood in line to get a picture with the couple and their family (this evening it was just Nyrika's parents). Here is ours! |
On day three, James and I both made it to breakfast and greeted the aunties and uncles we had gotten to know. Then we went back to our room and napped until lunch. I taught James the phrase buhay baboy, which in Tagalog roughly translates to "a pig's life," because it really did feel like we were just getting shuttled around from meal to meal. At lunch, we got to try traditional Parsi food. My favorite thing was the lagan nu achar, a pickled side dish made with carrots, dates, raisins, and figs. I love pickled things in general, especially the Filipino atchara, which I'm pretty sure shares etymology origins with achar. I also loved that the food was served on banana leaves, which is also very Filipino! Overall, I was impressed with the setup and how the catering company was able to efficiently feed hundreds of people.
On the way out of lunch, a live band with brass, drums, and a man singing was playing. Some of the uncles got together and danced. Somehow they even managed to convince James to dance with them, and not too long after, the Frenchies' mom and I joined. I had the time of my life.
That evening was the wedding ceremony itself. James, Jonaki, and I arrived in time to see Nyrika, her family, and the band at the entrance to the venue. The band was playing lively music, and people in the group took turns hyping up the bride, for lack of a better phrase. All the men in the family were in white, as is Parsi tradition. The women wore gorgeous sarees. The joy was palpable. Nyrika beamed and cried at one point, prompting tears to form in my eyes. Her mom wiped them away as she laughed. It was ethereal, and ended up being my favorite moment of what was already an unforgettable celebration.
From there, we walked in to the venue to the music of the band. A small stage was set up. Parvez was already in the venue, and since the bride and groom are not allowed to see each other before the ceremony, Nyrika was hidden from him. Eventually, some of her relatives started singing "here comes the bride" as she walked over to meet her dad and brother at the end of the aisle. Two relatives hung a white curtain in front of Parvez as he sat on the stage, so she wouldn't see him, and music played as she was walked down the aisle with ground fireworks erupting beside them. Eventually, she and some members of the family congregated on the stage. At that point, we couldn't really see what was going on, as I suppose it was only the immediate witnesses who could. (I read up on Parsi wedding ceremonies later and found this article to be a helpful explainer.) Either way, the two were eventually married, cheers erupted, and James and I had another delicious Parsi meal.
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| I really loved that the shopkeepers in Lokhandwala chose this saree for me, not only because yellow is my favorite color, but also because it went perfectly with earrings that were gifted by my friend Urvy specifically to wear at the wedding! |
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| I would love for my future wedding dress to have this kind of cut 👀 |
Nyrika later told me she was sorry we couldn't catch up more, but I wasn't expecting to at all. I have learned that weddings are not exactly occasions to catch up with your friends getting married! For me, it was enough to see her face and witness such a milestone in her life. But since James and I had a train pretty early the next day, we said our good-byes at around 10:15 pm and headed back to the hotel. We packed up and tried to get some sleep. The day after the wedding, cars took us and some of Parvez's relatives to the Bharuch train station. Sheriyar helped us find our platform and waited for our train with us. "Trains are the one good thing the British did in India, but they fucked up everything else," he commented. I agreed.
Eventually, our train arrived, and we bade farewell to him and the others and made our way back to Mumbai. We got off not at Mumbai Central but at Borivali like Jonaki suggested, since it was north of the city closer to our airport hotel than Mumbai Central. We spent our time in Mumbai resting, now that the main purpose of our visit had been completed. And I will spend much of the rest of my life reliving the wonderful memories from my first Indian wedding.
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