The flurry of graduation posts and articles I've been seeing this past week was a solemn reminder of the fact that I graduated from college just about a year ago. This past year was the first year of my life that I can remember where I wasn't enrolled in some institution with a set agenda for the entire year. It's weird thinking about it. It's also all happened so fast that I haven't even been in that reflective of a mood, which to me is pretty unusual.
I'm happy to say that I am still at the same job, albeit not in New York like I thought I was going to be when I took the job in mid June. This time last year, I definitely could not have imagined that I would be spending three whole weeks in Wisconsin at this moment in time. It's surprising, obviously, but I'm happy to be spending all this time with James, now that he's also beginning life out in the "real world" and we won't have the luxury of spending long breaks from school together anymore. (The obvious solution is to find a job in the same city and live together, which I am definitely trying for.)
After some fiascos concerning my remote working arrangement and multiple extensions of my final end date, my last day of work has been set to August 1st. I was really hoping to reach a full year of working for the org, so I'm glad that I will be able to! After that, life is a big question mark. I still want to go to law school, but I want to find a new job (whether contractual or temporary or full time) and earn more money first. I want to enjoy living debt free and the stage of my life where I can choose to do anything just for me myself and I with no responsibilities for anyone. Like, once I leave grad school I'll want to look for a real job and think about maybe settling down somewhere for a few years. But right now, I really can do whatever I want.
A significant part of me really wants to take six months to a year off to just travel and write. Create a work of fiction, maybe a graphic novel. Go to the Philippines, work on my Tagalog and Cebuano. Go back to Bolivia for a bit. Tour other countries I haven't been, see friends I haven't seen in a long time. The best kind of situation would be to get acceptance to a grad school and then defer, so I can have an extended amount of time all to myself with savings to blow (though not completely, obviously, I'm not like that). Because once I hit the real "real" world, which doesn't feel like now at all, I won't have the liberty to do that.
Right now it's all just limbo. I didn't expect to be back in limbo so soon after graduating, but here we are. Life really is like that, isn't it. My current struggle is figuring out what to do after I leave this job, and then figuring out where I can apply to law school while worrying about if I can even get in anywhere I want to. I've been anxiously fretting about my quantitative credentials compared to the average scores and GPAs at the schools I'm interested in, but I got this fortune cookie yesterday that I am taking as a very good omen and as a sign that I should reach for the stars anyway:
It's honestly the best fortune I've gotten from a fortune cookie in recent memory, so I'm definitely going to be thinking about it as I move forward and put myself out there.
So far in this year of adulting I've learned that there will always be a "current struggle," no matter at what stage of life I am in. Once I'm in grad school, it will be keeping up in school and taking advantage of opportunities and applying for things. Once I'm in the midst of my career, it will be thinking of settling down somewhere. And so it goes. I often say that I wish I were a 40-year-old with a stable career, dream apartment, and fulfilling family life, not having to worry about grad school or entry level jobs or saving up, but in reality I will still have struggles then, just different ones. I'll probably be worrying about my child(ren?) and how their life is going as well as whatever social life or health issues I might have, for instance. I do believe that I won't have the same kind of anxiety I do now, but I also won't have the youth and the freedom I do now. The best thing to do is really live in the present, as cliché as it might sound, and to take things a step at a time. I'm doing my best to do that and focus on what I have accomplished so far.
Right now, I'm excited to be taking my first real vacation in a while next week! I've really needed it, since I haven't taken more than a long weekend off work since Christmas. It'll be good to have a break from it all and just enjoy myself with James for a bit, and I'll write more about that in about a week. Can't wait, so bon voyage to James and me!
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